Making Intuitive Decisions
Making healthy decisions isn’t easy. Life can be hard, things can get stressful. We may start to doubt our inner power. We may find ourselves relying on procrastination or perfectionism to avoid more and more of our inner experience. Our self-trust and intuition get weaker, further away. We no longer know what we need. This leads to patterns of restriction or overindulgence, further damaging our self-trust. We may have a hard time setting boundaries or letting people in. We may struggle to rest or to reach our goals. The further disconnected from ourselves we get, the more aggressive or avoidant our decisions become. But our intuition is still there underneath it all. We may get disconnected from time to time, but we can always find our way back.
Reconnecting to our inner knowing requires that we face and release the things that block us from it. We cannot hear our hearts when we are afraid to go inwards. Sitting with ourselves isn’t always easy. Negative emotions can build up, so can negative beliefs about ourselves and the world. We may be judging ourselves for the things we need and be afraid to pursue our desires. We may be stuck in shame and believe that we can’t get better, or that we don’t deserve to. This exercise will walk you through reconnecting with your body by learning how to listen to it again. It will help you hear that still, small voice that will guide you to what you need in the here and now. This process can be difficult. I practice this exercise with my clients in therapy. You may also benefit from the support of a therapist or trusted friend in working through what is separating you from your heart, especially if any of it feels overwhelming or unmovable.
When making a decision, big or small, you can connect with your intuition in these four steps.
Step one: Check in with your thoughts
How are you talking to yourself? Let’s say you’re trying to decide between cleaning your home and resting. If your mind is a stream of negative thoughts about how gross and lazy you are, it’s only going to push you further into avoidance. This will make it harder to ever accomplish the task or truly rest. Challenge these negative thoughts and connect to a place of self-compassion. There is never one right choice. Making room for the human parts of you doesn’t make you weak. Sometimes we need to ask for help, sometimes rest will feel better, sometimes accomplishing the task will.
Step two: Check in with your emotions
What emotions are coming up for you? Imagine that you’re trying to decide between going to bed and watching another episode of your favorite show. The idea of going to bed may be making you sad. The day is over, your free time is done, it can be a sad thing. Acknowledging the sadness instead of pushing it away will give you more clarity around your decision. You can be sad and make a choice that’s aligned with your values and wellbeing at the same time. Perhaps all you need is to validate that emotion, or perhaps you need to find a way to meet your needs for downtime.
Step three: Acknowledge the consequences
When you feel torn in a decision it’s because there are consequences on both sides. Perhaps you know one choice would be better for you but it brings up negative emotions or discomfort you want to avoid. Or perhaps you are trying to live up to an unrealistic standard that wouldn’t actually be good for you in this moment. If you were, for example, trying to decide between staying in your current job or leaving for a career advancement, it would be important to acknowledge that there are consequences no matter what you do. The consequences of staying may be feeling stagnant or making less money. But the consequences of leaving may be greater stress and fears that it may be risky. By non-judgmentally facing the consequences of either choice, you are able make a decision that best serves all parts of you.
Step four: Check in with your body
Once you have sat with everything getting in the way of your intuition, look to your heart for the answer. Which option feels best in your body, which one do you need? Focus your attention on your physical sensations. What feels calming, empowering, or aligned? Meditation may help here, so could some movement, journaling, or deep breaths. Whatever allows you to connect to your center will help you find what you need. Sometimes it’s doing the hard thing, sometimes it’s doing the easy thing. Sometimes it’s asking for help. Only you will know.
Remember, there is no one right answer. Taking care of yourself means listening and responding, as best as possible, to what you need in the moment. Your intuition won’t know the whole journey, but it will show you the next right step. You may make mistakes, you may need to continue checking in with yourself, you may change your mind. You aren’t perfect, and that’s okay. Giving yourself permission to trust yourself and do what feels right for you in the moment will lead you, step by step, to the life your heart is calling you towards.
Are you ready to learn more about what therapy could be for you?
Therapy is a very personal journey and you deserve to feel seen and supported by your therapist. Please reach out if you would like to explore working together.