Acceptance and Authenticity
Our relationships with others are one of the most important and fulfilling aspects of our lives. Relationships bring us joy, meaning, and support. They increase our quality of life and help us get through difficult times. They are a vital part of being human. But relationships aren’t always easy. Sometimes we have conflict with those we love. We disagree, we want different things. And this can feel scary. Especially if we have had negative experiences with conflict in the past. But conflict is normal and healthy. In fact, working through conflict is one of the healthiest things we can do for our relationships. It is when we try to avoid conflict by repressing our authentic selves that things become unhealthy. We so deeply need love that we sometimes end up sacrificing parts of ourselves in order to receive it. We bury our preferences, we bury our anger, we bury anything that feels messy in order to secure connection. This is how we try to protect ourselves, to protect each other. But ultimately it only gets in the way of everything that makes relationships worthwhile.
It can be hard to figure out how to love others and ourselves at the same time. We are all flawed, we all do things that hurt each other. Being vulnerable does not mean allowing ourselves to be hurt. In fact, it very often means making the difficult choice to be open and honest about the ways that we need to protect ourselves in order to keep the relationship healthy. Setting boundaries allows us to find ways to coexist with those we love without continuing to hurt each other. Boundaries allow us to better accept others as they are. Part of forming healthy connections with others is realizing that we cannot change them. We cannot bury parts of ourselves in hopes that they will give us more support in return. We cannot carry all the weight of the relationship alone. It just doesn’t work. This realization can come with a lot of pain. But we have to grieve the relationships we wish we had so that we can love the real people in our lives. When we set a boundary, we are acknowledging that we are no longer trying to change those we love to better suit our needs. We can have compassion for who they are and where they are in life while also protecting our own wellbeing. This is how we truly love them.
When we are able to navigate the difficult parts of relationships with others, we are able to feel so much closer to them. Having the bravery to be vulnerable and tell others how we really feel allows us to feel love in a whole different capacity. It is an act of trust to let others in, to hold our boundaries without apology, to refuse to pretend in order to make things easier. But it can pay off extraordinarily. We are all different. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. We all see life in a unique way. This is what makes each of us special. And in order to make space for all of the good we each have to offer, we have to show up in our lives as who we really are, including the messy parts. We can only form healthy bonds if we make room for both ourselves and others in our relationships. It is the only way we learn, the only way we grow. And ultimately, it is the only way we can truly give or receive love. Accepting ourselves and others for who we really are is the only path to genuine connection. When we can be vulnerable and feel seen and loved anyway, that is when the magic happens. That’s the kind of love that fills us up.
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Therapy is a very personal journey and you deserve to feel seen and supported by your therapist. Please reach out if you would like to explore working together.