Challenging Negative Thoughts
Our thoughts make up a big part of our life. We spend a great deal of time in our own heads. Some of our thoughts are helpful. They allow us to solve problems, make plans and organize our lives. We use our minds to learn about and interact with the world. They help keep us alive. But they can also hurt us. Our thoughts may be self-critical or unnecessarily negative. They can be overwhelming and harsh. They can fixate on the past or future, stealing our peace and connection to the present moment. Negative thoughts can damage our relationships and our self-worth. They can lead to anxiety and depression. They can cause self-sabotaging or harmful behaviors. They can keep us stuck. Our minds are wonderful servants, but terrible masters.
So many of our thoughts go unexamined. We never question if they are true. But so often our thoughts are based in fear, not reality. There are many common thought distortions we can fall into. These cognitive distortions are not real, but they can end up defining our experience.
All or Nothing Thinking: This happens when we believe one mistake makes us failures or one conflict means someone hates us. If things aren’t entirely good, they feel entirely bad. This can lead to increased anxiety, depression and negative feelings towards the self. It can also result in difficulty growing from mistakes and failings. We can’t improve if we think one mistake ruins everything.
Catastrophizing: When we catastrophize, we make a problem bigger than it is and find ourselves unable to see any positive alternatives. Small setbacks can feel like the end of the world and we assume the worst case scenario. This can lead to increased avoidance behaviors and decreased problem solving skills.
Personalization or Blaming: We may take things personally or blame ourselves and others for things outside of our control. This can lead us to assume that every bad thing that happens is our fault or the fault of someone else. This can be disempowering and lead to difficulties in relationships.
Should Statements: “Shoulds” can end up running our lives, making us criticize ourselves for not living up to unnecessarily high standards of what we should be doing. There is no one perfect way to live and letting should statements control us can lead to an increase in shame and anxiety.
Mind Reading: We sometimes assume we know what people are thinking. We may conclude someone is mad when they aren’t or worry that they don’t like us. This type of thinking can damage trust and healthy communication in relationships.
Selective Attention: This occurs when we fixate on the negative in life or ourselves, never able to see the positive things that are there. This can lead to a skewed perspective. If we only focus on the negative, we miss out on all our positive experiences and attributes. We also may become overly critical of ourselves, leading to negative self-esteem and depression.
Overgeneralization: Overgeneralization leads to assuming that one bad thing happening means that bad things will keep happening. This can lead to difficulties trusting others because one person hurt us, damaging our relationships. It can also impact our belief in our ability to succeed, assuming one failure means that we will always fail.
When we find ourselves stuck in negative thinking, it can be hard to know how to get out. Our thoughts may feel true, even if we know on some level that they aren’t. The way out is to ground ourselves in what we know is real and to negate any beliefs based in fear. The first step is to identify what negative thoughts are impacting you. We aren’t always aware of how our thoughts are affecting our mood or behavior. Taking some time to pay attention to our thoughts when we are feeling low or anxious is important. Writing our thoughts and feelings down can be a powerful way to do this. Meditation, therapy, or talking to a trusted person can also be helpful.
Once we have identified the thoughts that are harming us we can begin to challenge them. Are these thoughts true? Is there a more compassionate way we could look at the situation? Are we stuck in any thought distortions such as all or nothing thinking, catastrophizing or over-generalization? When we are able to get our thoughts out and really examine them, it can be easier to let go of our thought distortions. We can begin to gain more clarity, to be better able to embrace what is real.
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